☆ ─── insecurities ──── ☆

Hai-hai, my lovely strawberry macaroons~!! So today, Mika went to the mall with her sister to meet Miki *^O^* I haven't seen Miki in a while, so today was lots of fun (O u O)~ and as Miki and I were talking, the sensitive subject of my skin was brought up. Don't worry, Miki, I'm not mad or anything like that. What you said made me realize something really strange. I wear a lot of makeup when I have to go somewhere. As soon as my foot steps out of the house, you can bet yourself that I will be wearing makeup. And it is because I am very insecure about my face. I don't feel beautiful with my acne covering my face and the millions of scars that mar my skin. I know it seems so trivial, but I have such low self confidence and esteem that I feel like when people look at me without my makeup, they are thinking about how ugly I look. Even all of my photos on this blog are edited so that my skin looks better, or my cheeks look thinner. It's all because I am so insecure. I feel fat and ugly and even though I know I'm not the only one with acne and that I'm not obese or anything, I still don't feel beautiful. I want to be skinny and I want to have perfect skin but those are things that I can't have just because I want them. I maintain my skin so well by washing it and moisturizing it and taking my makeup off at night, and yet my skin still breaks out EVERYWHERE and when I try to diet and exercise, I fail because I have so many health issues. Hypoglycemia, flat feet, protein deficiency, iron deficiency, vitamin C deficiency, the list goes on. And those aren't my only insecurities. I feel like my voice is annoying, my actions are annoying, the way I speak is annoying, and it's hard to get along with a person like me. At school, I feel like I need to put up a fake persona for people to like me. It's hard going to school without makeup because I don't have time to put it on in the morning. All of my friends have such perfect skin, and then there's me with my gross, pimple-covered face. But I don't want to be fake with you guys. I want you to see me. Me meaning no makeup, no editing. So here are my unedited photos. Please keep in mind, that I am wearing makeup in most of these unedited photos. >O< I will one day post a picture of my no makeup face, but right now I'm too scared to do so. I mean, Miki has already seen me at home without any makeup, but putting such pictures on the internet is a little scary for me. Please understand and be patient with me *O*