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| This kitsune is all alone and chained in the darkness... |
Today's weather was beautiful and mild~
This kitsune was having a wonderful day...until she went on Facebook where she saw something that was like a slap in the face. "No more truth. Bells ring no more in me. I am all alone singly. Lonely rests my head."
I know I said that I didn't care about my "friends" in school anymore and that I didn't want to be friends with them anymore...but it still hurts. I went on Facebook today just to check up on notifications and stuff, and in my news feed, I saw photos that my group of "friends" had uploaded. And it would've been fine, except that the people who I thought were actually my friends, like the ones that I do like and the ones that are nice to me, whom I've helped countless times over the course of the year, were in the pictures too. They went to the beach/boardwalk, which is where I suggested that we go before school ended...but they didn't bother to invite me or ask if I was even free to go. It was a huge slap in the face, and I now realize that I didn't have friends at school to begin with. Maybe they were just associating themselves with me just to spare my feelings. I'm so stupid and dense. How could I not realize something like that?! ...I made a good choice when I decided to not have friends anymore. If I don't let other people in, then they can't hurt me anymore and I won't have to cry all the time or feel left out. I'll just build an indestructible wall. Jean de La Fontaine once said that “Sadness flies away on the wings of time.” But how can the sadness fly away when the wings are broken?
“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” The amount of sadness I carry now can no longer be balanced out by happiness. It's like that saying "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Maybe it's because they weren't good people to begin with. In which case, I'm terrible. It's like life wants to suck out every last bit of happiness I have and leave me an empty shell marred by the scars of sadness and hardship. I'm trying so hard not to be a disappointment, to not be selfish, so why isn't it enough?
My final escapes and my last bits of happiness are now restricted to you guys and my family. If either one of you disappeared or started to dislike me or left me, I think I might shatter into a million pieces and lose myself in the darkness.
I am truly alone now and my heart is made of stone. I'm sorry you guys have to put up with my emo-ness. >.<
I know I said that I didn't care about my "friends" in school anymore and that I didn't want to be friends with them anymore...but it still hurts. I went on Facebook today just to check up on notifications and stuff, and in my news feed, I saw photos that my group of "friends" had uploaded. And it would've been fine, except that the people who I thought were actually my friends, like the ones that I do like and the ones that are nice to me, whom I've helped countless times over the course of the year, were in the pictures too. They went to the beach/boardwalk, which is where I suggested that we go before school ended...but they didn't bother to invite me or ask if I was even free to go. It was a huge slap in the face, and I now realize that I didn't have friends at school to begin with. Maybe they were just associating themselves with me just to spare my feelings. I'm so stupid and dense. How could I not realize something like that?! ...I made a good choice when I decided to not have friends anymore. If I don't let other people in, then they can't hurt me anymore and I won't have to cry all the time or feel left out. I'll just build an indestructible wall. Jean de La Fontaine once said that “Sadness flies away on the wings of time.” But how can the sadness fly away when the wings are broken?
“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” The amount of sadness I carry now can no longer be balanced out by happiness. It's like that saying "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Maybe it's because they weren't good people to begin with. In which case, I'm terrible. It's like life wants to suck out every last bit of happiness I have and leave me an empty shell marred by the scars of sadness and hardship. I'm trying so hard not to be a disappointment, to not be selfish, so why isn't it enough?
My final escapes and my last bits of happiness are now restricted to you guys and my family. If either one of you disappeared or started to dislike me or left me, I think I might shatter into a million pieces and lose myself in the darkness.
I am truly alone now and my heart is made of stone. I'm sorry you guys have to put up with my emo-ness. >.<
That's it I'm calling chuuuuu!!!!! xhsrfih502359trjsa,.c;lvpb TT___TT
ReplyDeletet; A ;t Why did I leave and miss this
ReplyDeleteWhyyy
I am so sorryyy Koto-chann